Wednesday, August 11, 2021

46

 I'm 46 today... I think. Stopped counting after 40, really. But being born in 1975 makes the math easy to figure out if I need to.

It's been hard to write anything here. Mainly because a switch has flipped in my head. That switch is the "somebody on the internet will read this" switch. Used to be on, but now it's off.

I deleted my Facebook account, my Twitter account is pretty much an anon signal booster for local politicians, and I have no Instagram or whatever it is kids do, these days. My world is inside my house. I don't reach out to friends and have no way to make new friends because almost all of my energy goes towards..

  1. Helping my children develop into humans who won't be secretly broken, like me
  2. Not getting divorced
  3. Finding reasons to live and staying alive long enough to fulfill goal #1

Unlike the days of my previous entries, I now firmly believe in the following:

  • Nobody cares what your thoughts about a thing are... Nobody reads your Twitter or Facebook
  • Nobody cares about that thing you are working on... Nobody reads your LinkedIn unless it's about employment 
  • Nobody cares what you can do... or where you have been... or how hard that thing you did was
The universe is big. I am a nobody, and that's okay.

My job as a nobody is to care about other people that need to believe that somebody cares about them. I'll be that somebody...
...For my kids
...For my wife
...For the people I work with
...For the handful of friends I have left at this point in my life
...For the non-evil politicians within my votingsphere (for my kids)

Releasing my ego has been... liberating.