Reskilling

 When I was 40 years old, I had a choice:

A. Reskill into a new industry that would be more stable than games with quality of life and salaries that I would never reach if I stayed in games

B. Continue my path as a game developer to go indie and eventually grow a studio

I chose B. Because I had passion for what I did as a game developer and because it was pretty much my entire identity.

I spent the next 10 years growing a studio, becoming a leader, and reaching the pinnacle of my career as a game developer working on cutting edge technology within my field.

Then I left... to be a better husband and father to my 2 kids. I took a break from my career because I needed to build the parts of my identity in the home as opposed to the office. This could have been the remainder of my existence if my wife didn't get laid off.

But she did. And now I am applying for jobs as a 50 year old game developer with over a year's gap from my last job.

The world has changed since I was 40. The games industry used to be in a constant state of growth and hiring.

But western developers cost more than anywhere else in the world. And investment funding within the games industry seems to be moving away from development in Western countries.

At the same time, I see evidence of ageism to the point that I have removed graduation date from my resume as well as maintain a separate resume that downplays my management experience.

I look at jobs outside of games, and it involves technology stacks that I never had to evolve within.

Looking back, I may have made the wrong choice. But I don't know.

I'm trying to figure out what to do next, and reskilling myself at 50 is now a part of my plan.

Knives

It began with a wish to be useful.

but when that died, it became a wish to be safe... to protect... to be a hero... heroes are useful.

Knives cut. They separate. I am a knife. I slice invisibly as a spinning blade flying through airs. In two hands, I become chaos.

Eventually, I learned to create.

Knives are useful for creation. They are a tool that converts raw universe into prepared, culinary acts of kindness for others.

I love food, therefore, I would like to share this love with others.

Food requires cooking. I wish to show my love through cooking.

In order to cook, I can not use just any old knife, I need a knife that represents my cooking soul.

The blade must be beautiful, and it must work well.

And so I collected expensive Japanese knives created by master bladesmiths in Japan who put their name on the blade.

And now I must maintain these knives, that is when the hobby of knife sharpening began... to respect the high value knives I have obtained.

Knife sharpening became a journey in itself, and now I am deep inside it.

I love knife sharpening... but I have run out of knives to sharpen. Perhaps I can solicit my friends to lend me their knives so that I may sharpen them.

And now I am the knife sharpener amongst my friends.

I am useful.